Ace of–

I think i have a legitimate fear of not being truly excellent at a particular thing.

That whole ‘jack of all trades, ace of none’ thing. Sucks. It always leads to questioning even the good qualities and skills and talents I’m already pretty sure I’ve actually got (at least, based on experience and what other people have said… *sheepish*), which then spills over to aaall these things you have going on in your life– work stuff, relationships, etc. It’s just that when you see others do the exact same things… or just… y’know… be, but in a much better/grander fashion, you end up looking at yourself and thinking, “And you thought you had that...”

I don’t know, is this just a classic case of insecurity? A cliche young-person drama llama struggle? Haha. I always strived not to compare myself to anyone and to not care much what others would think (at least not more than what I’d think), but lately, I admit it’s becoming a bit more bothersome. I guess it’s true that, these days, our generation is just constantly ‘taunted.’ It’s annoying.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-unhappy_b_3930620.html

 

“Rules for Happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”
― Immanuel Kant

A Year++ Out Here: A Life Status Report

There’s a reason why T-Swift’s 22 resonated with everyone at that age. You’re really happy-free-confused-and-lonely at the same time. Really truly. It’s been almost an entire year of being 22 (leveling up to 23 in a few days!) and I am hoping my hardest that this new year won’t reflect that other confused but downer anthem that goes ‘Nobody likes you when you’re twenty-threeee!’ Haha.

Well hey, I want to like ME when I’m 23. :) So to move things upward, here’s a bunch of my Lessons Learned from the past year and change since college.

  1. Don’t take things personally. Know how to go out of your unfiltered, heart-on-your-sleeve, personal self for a bit when a situation demands it and believe that it’s not really about you (unless it is). Don’t stress. If you feel like you’re being attacked or put down, just don’t take things to heart too much. Others may suck, things may suck, but remember, it’s not always about you. Which leads me to–
  2. Don’t overly care about what other people think. It just takes up too much energy! Don’t get insecure especially if you know within yourself that you’re sincerely trying your hardest and doing your best. If things go less than perfectly, and it miiight be because of you (but it might not be either, think about that), well, it’s not like you meant to screw up on purpose. Take it in stride, smile, and just do better next time. You don’t suck. Nope.
  3. You’re in charge of your own happiness. Just because something’s happening that doesn’t go your way or messes everything up doesn’t mean it has to consume all of you. You don’t have to be defined by it. It may be a thing that’s happening apart from you. It’s not you per se. You can choose to focus on the other okay things and be happy.
  4. Sometimes you just have to let things play out. You have to go hands-off. You can’t control people and you can’t control everything. They may be confusing/hurtful/annoying but when you’ve exhausted all your efforts… bahala na.
  5. When people are mean and condescending, pay them back with kindness. Yeah you can get worked up feeling all, “How dare you treat me like this. Do you have any idea who/what I am? I am awesome!” And it’s especially annoying when it’s people you already know who are suddenly like this to you, but think of it like “Oh you. Seems like you don’t know any better. So I’ll just smile and humor you.” It’ll make you feel better, trust me. And eventually, they start cooling it anyway when you get extra nice to them. They just don’t know what to do with themselves, haha.
  6. Always be considerate. And don’t be afraid to call out people who aren’t! I remember the wise parting words of my old philo professor in college when we had our last class for the semester– “Wag kang kupal.” Translation: Don’t be an ass. And he was right. Seems like if there’s anything to remember about navigating the world, it’s that.
  7. Foster a spirit of inclusion. Rather than exclusion. Especially when you have no choice in having to work/be with the person. Yes it’s true that you just might not like certain people in a group but it just makes sense to try to get along and be inclusive rather than push them out just for whatever personal reasons. You don’t have to be besties. Just be polite and open and fair if that’s what will keep the relationship okay.
  8. Don’t let the routine drain you empty. Keep a little (or, actually, a lot) for yourself. Don’t let the routine stuff be everything to you. Even if nothing of consequence is happening, some everyday to-dos & interactions really just do drain you but it’s important to not let them get to you. Allow for a solid amount of me-time to relax and recharge.
  9. When your values & principles are challenged, hold your own. It’s very important to blend in (don’t expect others to adjust for you, cmon), but you don’t have to change those fundamental things about yourself just to fit into their mold. Reality is that you just won’t have the same background as everyone. You have different standards, understanding of norms, mindsets. Don’t make judgements but be understanding while still standing for what you believe. So then, you won’t be afraid to…
  10. Assert yourself. No matter how young/naive/inexperienced you are about the variety of things you encounter each day in this freaking world, if something doesn’t feel right or if there’s something you don’t agree with, know that you can say something about it. Don’t be too worried about offending them, hey, they’re offending you. You don’t have to be pushed into it if you don’t want to.

Anyhoo. There. I’ll just keep looking back on this for myself when things get sucky… Haha. Ooop. Positivity, positivity! Cheers to 23!

Runaway

Trying something new!

 

I would occasionally post cover videos for fun on YouTube, but SoundCloud’s a bit different. Seems a little more legit. People sound so good there, it’s kind of amazing. How they get to sound so pro, I don’t know. It’s like everyone has perfect equipment, geez. Haha. Oh well, not humble-bragging, given that I just posted my own tracks there lol, but just sincerely sharing! Nowhere near as good as those Soundcloud peeps- I really just joined to listen to new music- but do check out my stuff if you feel like it! ;) Steady naman, I think. HAHA. Although I have a feeling this new online space is gonna be filled mostly with my self-indulgent (read: feeling) musical theater dreams haha! Just sound, no visuals eh. I can emote to my heart’s content. And no one will ever know. Sweet.

Btw if you’re not familiar with this song and the musical it’s from, it’s called Run Away With Me  from “The Unauthorized Autobiography of Samantha Brown” by Kerrigan-Lowdermilk. Here’s one great performance of the song by ultra hottie Aaron Tveit (can’t remember how many times I’ve shared this video hahaha). Get ready to fall in love.

Werq it

deskIt’s a funny thing– getting your first real job.

The interview phase is okay. It’s doable. You can practice for that. It can even be exciting. But not much prepares you for what it’s like when you actually get the job. It’s like waking up one morning and then… Oops! Have to be a grown-up now, bye! Overnight transformation. I bet it’s one of the most unsettling things a person has to go through in life. But it’s a rite of passage. It’s just that it seems like something you can never fully prepare for no matter how much research, practice (and meditation?) you do, especially if you’re someone like me who terribly overthinks everything. How to dress, how to enter the door, how to greet the first person you face, what to bring, where to eat lunch, where to place your bag on your desk, etc. Yup, I’m crazy.

I just have the worst change anxiety problems. The eve of my first day at my new job, I was tingly and pale, even nauseated. I had this stomachache too and eventually I threw up a little, lol. Then I kept squirming and twisting and turning in bed as I tried to sleep. Watching Devil Wears Prada to get into the mindset probably both helped and made the anxiety worse, I dunno, haha. The next morning, my brain was going on overdrive just trying to recall all the mental notes I had of what to do, how to be, etc. But the moment I got to work, it all just flew out of my mind as everything became a blur. Instinct kinda took over. Didn’t make a fool of myself much, thank goodness. I think. I hope. 

The whole week went by and before I knew it, it was the weekend. And I realized it all went okay. The initial jump from household bum/all-around errand girl to sprightly first-jobber young professional was more manageable than I thought! You just have to be game. No one expects you to be perfect. You just have to be a sponge. Take it all in. Ask questions. Be receptive. Don’t be stupid.

I still have to work on relaxing a bit and trying to find a rhythm. And I have got to stop being shy! Lol, shy. If they only knew. Well, here goes nothing!

And here’s some Paramore with a real-life anthem for this new part of life,

I have been changed for good

(Yes, I know, hello to my cheesy title haha)

This blog has been pretty dead for a while, lol. Well, now seems as good a time as any to post. Especially since something really awesome just happened.

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Just watched the first weekend show of Wicked here in Manila and it was WOW.

You have to understand how difficult it is to be a theater nut here, where your only source for all of it is the internet. Just Youtube, torrents, and whatever sites to watch, listen, and learn about all these great shows which are all the way over there on Broadway or the West End or wherever… just way out there on the other side of the world. :( So when it happens that a show like Wicked comes over to the shores of the Philippines, it’s like… magic. I was too young when they showed Miss Saigon here, so I knew I had to jump at the chance for this one.

I made sure to get tickets as early as August last year, teehee. And so I had been waiting and waiting until, finally, the day came!!!

It did not disappoint. Oh my god. I’m still reeling.

It’s the most cliched, most famous song of the musical but seriously, by the end of Act 1’s Defying Gravity, I was bawling. As in tears. Snot. Smudged eyeliner. Hahah! Didn’t realize how magical that number was. The lights, effects, wow. It was just so intense finally seeing and hearing it right in front of me, on an actual stage, after watching clips so many times on Youtube and listening to the soundtrack over and over again on iTunes. Huhu.

I have to say, I feel so validated when a show is done well. Makes me feel good as an audience member that they cared enough to be that good and to really give their all. That’s why it was so kilig to learn, upon first hearing about it, that it was a legit broadway-esque production by this Australian company; sets, costumes, and all. Yeah the Cinderella, Cats, and Phantom were great too, but this one… <3 The Galinda and the Elphaba were really really good, okay. Perfect, even. <3 The Fiyero, not so… Hahaha. He has to work a little more on his singing and dancing. But it was fine ’cause he was kind of hot. Lol. Saw them playing rugby or something outside the entrance before the show. He’s no Aaron Tveit though, hahah.

I’m just so happy and thankful that they decided to bring Wicked here. Thank you, all responsible. You are the best. Sponsors, producers, theater companies, pleaaaase bring more!!! There’s a real audience here, a real market. You won’t regret it. More more more!

#Haiyan

I haven’t updated this blog in a while, but now seems like the best time to put up a new post. Especially since there’s something happening in the world right now that needs to be shared to as many people as possible.

My dear Philippines has just been hit by one of the strongest storms ever to make landfall in recorded history: Typhoon Haiyan or Yolanda, as it is known locally. I’m based in Metro Manila where we weren’t much affected, but in the provinces of Leyte, Samar, and Cebu south of here… the death and devastation is just harrowing. :”'(

It’s been a tense and depressing past few days, seeing the images on the news and reading about the many stories of what happened, both from local and foreign media. Rescue and relief ops have also been a struggle. But it’s been extremely heartwarming to see the throngs of aid coming in from everywhere around the world. We are all so grateful how our friends and neighbors in the international community have been so generous in so many ways, given how our local capabilities have been overwhelmed by the enormity of this tragedy.

We are so touched knowing how we haven’t been forgotten by everyone else. Thank you, World, for not leaving us behind.

For those interested, here are some information on how to help locally and from abroad:

http://www.gov.ph/2013/11/12/donate-to-yolanda-relief-effort-information/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/09/philippines-haiyan-how-to-help-_n_4247106.html#slide=3100665

http://www.ateneo.edu/how-donate-ateneo-de-manila-university-disaster-response-assistance-november-9-2013

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And some reminders:

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http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/foreigners/2013/11/how_to_help_typhoon_haiyan_survivors_in_the_philippines_the_only_donation.html

Beer is good

At the recently concluded World Youth Day in Rio, Pope Francis said this:

“We need saints without cassocks, without veils – we need saints with jeans and tennis shoes. We need saints that go to the movies that listen to music, that hang out with their friends. We need saints that place God in first place ahead of succeeding in any career. We need saints that look for time… to pray every day and who know how to be in love with purity, chastity and all good things. We need saints – saints for the 21st century with a spirituality appropriate to our new time. We need saints that have a commitment to helping the poor and to make the needed social change. We need saints to live in the world, to sanctify the world and to not be afraid of living in the world by their presence in it. We need saints that drink Coca-Cola, that eat hot dogs, that surf the internet and that listen to their iPods. We need saints that love the Eucharist, that are not afraid or embarrassed to eat a pizza or drink a beer with their friends. We need saints who love the movies, dance, sports, theater. We need saints that are open sociable normal happy companions. We need saints who are in this world and who know how to enjoy the best in this world without being callous or mundane. We need saints.”

Wonderful words. Paints a perfect picture of how being a believer, of whatever faith, doesn’t mean you have to be a boring, overly pious goody-goody.

Because, hello, beer is good.

Let’s all just be ourselves and keep striving towards the good. ;)

#sundaythoughts  #happy2ndanniversaryMAGIS2011 #happy2ndanniversaryWYDMadrid

#excessivehastags

Team Jess

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in the past because I still can’t get over random things like this:

He was awful and rude and most definitely a dick, but he and Rory were just perfect together. Plus he turned things around in the end, though it was too late because Rory was already with Logan. Logan’s great too, but Jess was something else. Aww.

Lol.

Sorry, let me just get back to my outdated list of fantasies and keep longing for guys like this. Next up, Michael Moscovitz from The Princess Diaries books.

#pathetic